What if you’re having a wobble….?

Photo by Michał Parzuchowski on Unsplash

So, it’s taken me all day to sit down and write this article. I’ve been to the supermarket, cleared the wash basket, tidied the house. Anything, except do what I set out to do. Procrastination station. To be honest, it’s been a tough week, and I’m having a wobble. I could feel it coming, and tried to push it aside, but here it is, in all its glory. At first, I felt frustrated with myself. Get a grip Claire. You’re a coach, you should have your sh*t together. Then I realised that I was being daft. I’m human. No-one has their sh*t together all of the time.

There are a few reasons why this week has been particularly tricky. Firstly, my partner has gone back to work full-time. We’ve been hanging out, taking it day-by-day, for the last year. Cheering each other along, cheering each other up. It’s brilliant that he’s working again; he has a renewed sense of purpose, a stable routine, money coming in. But, this has left me home alone.

After being made redundant last year and setting up my own business, I’ve loved the freedom this has given me. Suddenly though, without a constant companion bringing me tea and reminding me it was lunchtime, I felt isolated, anxious and a little bit lost. And then the realisation hit me - despite the easing of lockdown in the UK, the ‘coronacoaster’ is far from over. In fact, the more we get back to ‘normal’, the more of us are left wondering what normal actually looks like now, and how we want our lives to be.

Add to that, we’re all exhausted. Even the most sociable of people are struggling with the thought of a calendar full of activities.  ‘Lockstalgia’ is a now a word – the notion that we may look back fondly on the period of confinement, when everything was put on pause, and we were forced to live in the moment, appreciating the small pleasures.

Digging into my curiosity, the coach in me is fascinated by the mixed emotions we’re all having. There was a New York Times article recently that went viral - ‘There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing’ which explained the collective feeling we’ve been experiencing.  

“At first, I didn’t recognise the symptoms that we all had in common. Friends mentioned that they were having trouble concentrating. Colleagues reported that even with vaccines on the horizon, they weren’t excited about 2021. It wasn’t burnout — we still had energy. It wasn’t depression — we didn’t feel hopeless. We just felt somewhat joyless and aimless. It turns out there’s a name for that: languishing.”

Let’s face it, our brains have dealt with a lot since last March. The psychological impact has been intense. Many of us have been in constant fight-or-flight mode and it’s left us exhausted and overwhelmed.

When I first wrote a blog a few months ago about coming out of lockdown, many of you commented about how unsure you were feeling. This, coupled with the continued uncertainty, means that months later - even with the return of the ‘fun stuff’ - we’re still feeling very unsettled.

Once you understand more about how the brain works, it starts to make more sense. I recently did a course with the brilliant team at Shooksvensen, who specialise in teaching the theories behind neuroscience. We learnt about the rational, executive brain, and our emotional, reactive brain. When we are stressed, tired, anxious, or feeling uncertain, our executive brain functions become tired. In this state, it is harder to contain the impulses that come from the emotional brain.

Aha. No wonder I’ve been wobbling. Running your own business comes with a lot of uncertainty. Feeling a bit isolated and lonely has increased my anxiety. Plus I’ve been going to bed later, scrolling through my phone, leading to information overload and endless distractions. Emotional brain fully in charge.

So, now I understand more about what’s going on, what to do about it? This is where my self-coaching kicks in. To ease the worst of the wobble, I’ve been consciously reconnecting with my personal values, which act as a brilliant compass to get me back on track.  

Curiosity: I started with ‘What’s really going on here?’. Simply by taking the time to notice my thoughts and feelings, and getting curious about them, I’ve started to untangle everything. Sometimes the hardest part is just stopping to notice. But by feeling the fear, naming it, labelling it and talking about it, it has helped. ‘Name it to tame it’ is always a great place to start.  

Passionate: I bloody love coaching. In my sessions this week, I’ve really appreciated the connection with my clients, partnering with them to move forward. It feels like a privilege to do this work. And at a time when so many people need a helping hand, it feels more important than ever. Beyond my work, I’m off to an exhibition this weekend to feed my cultural soul, and I’ve been gravitating back to the other things that light me up like food, music and travel - even if it’s just visiting friends in Bath for now…

Supportive: Your core values are what motivate you. And it often follows that whatever is most important to you, is directly linked to what you appreciate and need from others. In my drive to support others, I often forget to ask for support myself. Doh! So, this week, I joined a wonderfully supportive community of other self-employed folk who are all part of Leapers – ‘the team for people without a team’. If you’ve also gone solo, you should definitely check it out. Oh, and an extra big thank you to the wonderful friends who checked in, and lifted me up too.  

Growth: Change is tough. Sarah Wilson, in her book ‘This One Wild and Precious Life’ says we need to “go to [our] edge”; that place where we’re somehow able to push ourselves further. “At the point of our resistance, we become aware we’re resisting, avoiding, shutting down. And that awareness is the openness, the softness and the compassion we need”. I’ve had to remind myself that growth requires experimentation, adjustments, and comes with fluctuating emotions. But I’ve been here before; so I’ve been taking a moment to remember those times I’ve gone beyond the comfort zone, and what’s happened as a result.

Kindness: We always talk about being kind to others. But how often are we really kind to ourselves? Self-care is more than having a long soak in the bath. This week I’ve made a bigger effort to look at what’s been draining my energy. I’ve been trying to put boundaries back in place where they’ve slipped (too much screen time, anyone else?) And I’ve started to re-introduce those good habits - making sure I exercise and get out of the house, even when it’s been raining and blowing a gale outside.

Am I still wobbly? I am, and that’s OK. Each day has got slightly easier. But by acknowledging that life is often two steps forward, one step back (or sometimes one step forward and two steps back) has helped me to regain a bit of perspective.

And that’s what it means to be gloriously, messily, wholeheartedly human.  

Do you want to get clear on what’s really important to you?

You might like my Personal Values Workshop – which combines an interactive values exercise, together with an insightful conversation, to help you figure out what truly motivates and drives you.

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