How to stay connected to yourself.

Photo by Anthony Tori on Unsplash

Most of us will agree that the last year has been all about re-evaluating. I’ve heard a lot of people say “I’ve realised what’s really important”.  But as the world starts to open up, it won’t be long before we’re back into the routine of life. More and more external factors will start to influence us, and we’ll be left wondering what happened to all the good habits we implemented, or the changes we wanted to make.

In my previous blog, I spoke about the fact that so much has happened, and it’s changed us. You’ve probably re-thought your priorities. But depending on your circumstances, you may not have been able to translate those internal thoughts into external action yet. So, while everything might be going around in circles in your head, you’re still not sure what to do about it.

I know this feeling well. I remember key moments in my life, where on a night out with friends, we’d be ‘putting the world to rights’ over a bottle of wine. “Right, I’ve decided! I’m going to do XYZ and I’m not going to put it off anymore!” Or, “I really need to change XXX. But I don’t know where to start.”

Who can relate? All those good intentions, all those plans. But then another week passes, another month. Another year.

“Damn it”, we think. “This is frustrating. Nothing has really changed. I‘m stuck where I was.”

Ultimately, change begins with understanding. Increasing our awareness is the first step to lasting change. There’s no quick, overnight fix. But by becoming more conscious of our thoughts, feelings and needs, and what we truly value, we can slowly start to take action.

I remember the moment I decided to work with a coach. I knew I wanted to change aspects of my life. But to be honest, I was really naïve about what that change was. I just thought “I want to change things, and I think I could do with some coaching!”

I instinctively knew that I’d gone as far as I could by myself, and that working alongside a friendly, supportive guide was the next step. But when my coach challenged me to pinpoint what I wanted to get out of our sessions, I had to do some real self-reflection. What did I want to change?

As we increasingly start to re-connect with others, it will be very easy to lose the connection we’ve cultivated with ourselves during this ‘pause’. Or maybe you’ve wanted to focus on yourself during lockdown, but life has been taken over by other commitments, and now you’re starting to feel like you’ve missed an opportunity.

So, where do we start? Don’t worry, I get it. Making changes in our lives is scary. We often don’t feel confident enough to take the first step. But what if there was an easier way to begin? One that you could focus on this week, or this month?

“As your self-awareness grows, the internal debate that occurs when you have an important decision in front of you becomes simpler and the decision you should make becomes much clearer. The struggle about which way to go and what to put your time into becomes less intense and time consuming when you are no longer a mystery to yourself.” - Yung Pueblo

Here are some ideas to help you stay connected with yourself:

Reflect on what you’re drawn to. Think about what inspires you. What do you get excited about? Why are you drawn to it? When we feel passionately about something, it gives us energy. Take a moment to write down those things that light you up, and then ask yourself what this gives you.

How do you like to learn?  Once you’ve identified what excites or inspires you, commit to learning more about it. But also, think about how you like to learn. Some people love to read books, others prefer to listen to podcasts. Do you absorb more when watching a documentary, or a TED talk? Understanding your preferences means you’re more likely to enjoy it – rather than simply having a pile of books that you’re never going to read.

Maintain the ‘daily walk’. Most of us have been walking more during lockdown; we all know the benefits of fresh air and moving our bodies. Getting outside for our daily exercise has been one of the most positive aspects of the last year, so try and hold onto that as we move out of lockdown. “When we walk, we have the emotional space to discern where the hell right and wrong land for us. [Also], the rhythm of walking is the same as the theta brainwaves that govern intuition and our ‘gut judgement’. When we walk, we attune to these positive forces.” (Source: Sarah Wilson – This One Wild and Precious Life)

Get what you need from your relationships. Think about how you relate to those closest to you. I love this tool from The 5 Love Languages. It helps you to understand how you prefer to give and receive love, and how to communicate those needs more effectively. For example, for some of us, quality time is the most important. For others, it’s being recognised with words of appreciation. It’s not just for couples, this applies if you’re single, and those of you with children and teens too.

Start small. What if we just improved by 1% every day? “Continuous improvement is a dedication to making small changes and improvements every day, with the expectation that those small improvements will add up to something significant.” (Source: James Clear – Atomic Habits). By starting to do more of what already works, the effects are cumulative. “If you get one percent better each day for one year, you’ll end up thirty-seven times better by the time you’re done.”

Make time for you. It’s easy to say “I’m too busy. I have so many things demanding my time”. Remember, it’s OK to say “no” to some things, so we can say “yes” to others. Try not to get caught up in FOMO, other people’s expectations, or what you think you ‘should’ be doing. It’s up to us to re-define those priorities.

Let’s start to think of self-development as a habit that we practice; and not something that falls by the wayside when we get busy. Have I got it all figured out? Hell no. But when I feel myself getting out of kilter, I remind myself of this list and slowly start to reconnect. I hope you find something here that works for you.

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